


Rest, Reconnaissance, and Revelations

by Rikkichi



Series: the Fern and the Cactus [3]
Category: Guild Wars 2 (Video Game)
Genre: Canach has feelings, Developing Relationship, M/M, Slow Burn, They're both idiots about it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-31
Updated: 2017-03-31
Packaged: 2018-10-13 08:40:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10510236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rikkichi/pseuds/Rikkichi
Summary: The Commander was supposed to be resting and regaining his strength after the fight at the World Summit that nearly claimed his life.Canach was supposed to be running reconnaissance on the Pact, gathering intel to take back to Anise.Neither of them expected the other to be the biggest hurdle in accomplishing their goals.





	

**Author's Note:**

> If you haven't read the other two parts in this series, I highly recommend that you do so first. Starting from this part, things are going to be diverging slightly from canon. The events will still be largely the same, but the exact things that happen will be changed a bit to account for developments within the series. 
> 
> Also, these two are idiots and are going to take forever to fully realize their feelings for each other. I hope you're ready for a slow burn of a relationship!

It wasn't that the Commander was _trying_ to be a hassle. No, he was honestly just being how he always was: determined to do what was right and a little too eager to help out anyone who needed assistance. But the problem was that he was supposed to be resting, not helping other people out. That was the whole point to him spending a few days at Fort Trinity, after all: he couldn't do much if he was so exhausted that he risked passing out at any moment. Otherwise he would have been sent off to the Silverwastes to help with preparing the staging area for the Pact Fleet, as had been Trahearne's original plan.

But the Commander hadn't planned on being bored out of his mind within an hour of stepping through the Asura gate and being sent to his quarters. He was completely drained, and probably could use some sleep, but sleep was not coming easily. It was still technically daylight outside- sunset, actually- and the light streaming through his small porthole of a window prevented him from getting any rest. So he was stuck there, laying on his bed, staring up at the patchwork ceiling above him. There was just enough of a gap between the metal plates and the hastily-thrown-together canvas that covered any openings that he could feel the sea breeze leak in. It made the room just cool enough that the Commander could stand to be in it, but he still wasn't going to fall asleep anytime soon. The bustle of the fort was more than enough to keep him awake, especially with the general noise of the approaching dinner hour. 

That was entirely the Commander's fault, though. He could have taken grander quarters than what he had, but he had opted to take a smaller room, one that was probably meant for someone of a much lower rank than him. His reasoning was that he hardly ever stayed at the fort, so taking up a nice room was a waste of resources. Leave those rooms to the Lightbringers and the Warmasters and the Magisters, they would have more use for it than he did. But that sacrifice meant that he was on the outside of the officer's quarters area, with his window facing one of the central areas of the fort. The noise level was to be expected, and that noise level was a bother when he wasn't so exhausted that he passed out the moment his head hit the pillow. 

The Commander gave it a good effort, but tossing and turning for an hour or two was more than enough to drive him batty. So eventually he gave up and scrambled to his knees on his bed, just barely tall enough that way to peer out of the small round window. 

From there he could see Trahearne standing in the central area, giving orders to a few groups. He couldn't hear them, but he recognized the pattern of 'giving commands' at least. Trahearne would say a few words, point in a direction, and then the group near him would nod and hurry off. Then he turned to the next group and went through the same process again. It made sense, there was a lot of work to do before the Pact was ready to launch into the heart of the Maguuma Jungle. But the Commander wished he could be out there, by Trahearne's side, helping out in any way he could. He owed it to his friend to give everything he had to the fight against the dragons, and staying cooped up in his room was not helpful at all.

Then again, trying to help right now would probably cause more problems than it solved. The Commander was awake, but he was weak; he couldn't cast any magic at the moment even if he tried, and entering the Shroud again was out of the question. He needed to build his strength back up, preferably by sleeping because he didn't particularly like the other methods of doing so. Draining the life out of other living (or 'unliving', in the case of the Risen) creatures in order to strengthen himself was something that never sat too well with him. He couldn't completely control it, he always got a tiny bit of power from everything he killed, but he wasn't going to go out and drain something to death on purpose. And given his obvious dislike of draining life force from other people, summoning minions for the sole purpose of killing them again for their life force was out of the question. So, sleeping it was.

Or it would have been, if he could actually fall asleep.

The Commander sighed as he watched Trahearne finish up with the groups he had been talking to. He was a necromancer too, what would he do? "He probably wouldn't have any problems with taking life force from another creature," the Commander murmured to himself. Trahearne was wise and strong, and he could do what was needed to get his job done. That was why he was the Marshall, while the Commander was just his second-hand-man. 

At that moment, Trahearne happened to look over and see the Commander peering out the window at him. He offered the Commander a smile, but then he silently mouthed "go to bed" to him.

Frowning, the commander mouthed back "fine" before flopping back down on his bed like a petulant child. As much as he disliked having to make the tough choices, he hated being told what to do, especially if that command was not something he wanted to do.

\----------------------------------------

It wasn't until the next day that the Commander actually saw Canach. 

After a restless evening that turned into a night of broken sleep, the Commander finally left his room in the early dawn hours. Yes, he was supposed to be resting, but he had to eat too. Or that was the excuse he gave to anyone who asked about him, at least. It was an excuse that would hold up for anyone except Trahearne, who knew him all too well and could tell when he was lying, so his game plan for the day was to stay out of Trahearne's sight and try to 'take it easy'. 

Of course, the Commander had never really 'taken it easy' before, so it was no surprise when he ended up needing to sit and take a break before ten in the morning. Who would have thought that moving supplies from storage to the airships was so tiring?

And of course that would be exactly when he found Canach. Or, more accurately, Canach found him.

Canach had been brooding about something or another, possibly about how he was stuck at the fort doing grunt work instead of heading off on whatever grand adventure he wanted to have. But when he saw the Commander, that brooding frown quickly disappeared from his face and was immediately replaced by a grin. The Commander could practically feel the smug in the air as Canach made his way over to him. If that was the attitude Canach was going to have, then the Commander had a feeling that he would end up with a headache by the time their chat was over.

"Well this certainly is a sight," Canach said, stopping a few feet away from the crates the Commander had taken a seat upon, "Aren't you supposed to be resting? Though I suppose perching upon supplies like an owl may count as 'resting'."

The Commander scowled at Canach as he said, "I'm not perching upon anything, I'm just taking a break."

"A break from what? Your naps?"

That did not help with the Commander's mood at all. "A break from helping the soldiers. You know, actual work? Which you should be doing if you're going to be staying here."

Canach dismissed the Commander's complaint, waving him off. "I'm here to observe, not help. The Countess would be displeased if I actually helped with any menial work here. It might give off the impression that her agents are the helpful-type."

"Isn't she a noble who has to be helpful and make people think she's a good person?" After a moment of thought, the Commander added, "And since when have you cared about appeasing her anyway?"

"Since she made it painfully clear that my leash would be shortened if I ruined her reputation," Canach answered coolly. 

Since he hadn't addressed the first part at all, the Commander assumed that he had been correct in his initial impression of Anise. In his previous talks with Canach, the Commander had learned that the particularly prickly Sylvari had a habit of dropping conversation points that he couldn't talk his way out of. All the better to distract someone from that point with another conversation entirely, or so the Commander figured. Make people forget that they were right by moving on to something else. The Commander would have to keep that in mind, if he was going to be talking with Canach more often.

Which, now that he thought about it, he hoped he did. For as frustrating as he could be sometimes, Canach was actually an interesting guy. Maybe Siriam had been right in her previous assessment of the Commander and Canach's relationship. Maybe they were friends after all. The thought of them talking and getting along made the Commander's soul feel a bit lighter, lighter in a way that he hadn't felt since…

…it was probably best not to think about that, he decided.

"Still," the Commander said, pushing his thoughts away and instead focusing on talking to Canach, "Being helpful might be good for reputations. Both hers and yours. Mother knows you could use a few friends."

That got a short bark of a laugh from Canach. Was he amused by that thought? Possibly. Though that grin on his face had shifted a little into something that was trying to masquerade as a grin, but that clearly hid some dark thoughts underneath. The Commander got the feeling that he may have stumbled across a particularly sensitive subject, which was quickly confirmed when Canach said, "I have no need for friends. My work keeps me plenty busy, and I have no desire to fill my free hours with pointless drivel about feelings and bonds."

This was definitely a sensitive subject, the Commander decided. It was one that warranted caution. But even though he knew he should tread carefully, it hurt a little to hear Canach talk like that. The Commander was still young, and had not yet mastered the ability to hold his tongue and keep his feelings in check. So he frowned, his brows furrowed in confusion and hurt, and he said, "But aren't we friends?"

For the first time that morning, Canach actually stopped before he spoke. A flash of surprise bloomed across his face, but it was quickly taken under control, replaced by the resting frown he usually had. That 'resting frown' must have been Canach's thoughtful look, the Commander realized suddenly.

After a few seconds, Canach finally spoke. The smug amusement had been disappearing from his voice ever since the conversation had turned to helpfulness, but it was definitely gone by now. "I am a second-born sellsword who has spent the last 25 years getting into trouble, and will probably spend even longer getting out of it. You-" He jabbed his finger in the Commander's direction, "-are a naïve sapling who has yet to be ruined by the cruelties of this world. You're what, three?"

"Nearly four."

"That's still three, and my point stands. We have nothing in common. Why would we be friends?"

"Age has nothing to do with it," the Commander said defensively, "Braham is even older than you are, and we're good friends."

"Braham is a Norn and is developmentally of a similar age to you. He and I are not comparable at all."

This was getting frustrating, and quick. Why was Canach so resistant to the idea of being friends? The Commander just didn't understand it at all. He loved having friends! They made even the toughest assignments bearable. He just couldn't imagine doing everything he had alone. "Well maybe I want to be your friend," he said finally, "Did you consider that?"

The look on Canach's face told the Commander that no, he hadn't considered that. As did the fact that Canach turned to look out towards the docks pretty soon after. That was another habit of Canach's: when he couldn't control his feelings, he took steps to cover them up physically instead. 

"I'm not here to debate the pros and cons to friendship," Canach said. His voice was still as firm as it usually was, but it was also less…angry? No, anger hadn't been present before. But there was definitely less of an edge to his words than he usually had. "I have work to do. Work that doesn't involve babysitting a wilted sapling."

Canach then walked off before the Commander had a chance to call him out on that. He watched Canach leave from his spot on the crates, not looking away until Canach turned a corner and withdrew from sight. It was only then that the Commander sighed in frustration and said to himself, "Didn't you just say you were only observing?"

\----------------------------------------

Trahearne was not at all pleased with what he was hearing. When he had thought to bring the Commander back to the fort for some rest, his intention had been to keep an eye on him so that he would actually rest. He knew the Commander all too well, and he knew that the much younger Sylvari wouldn't rest on his own. He would have been back in the field within 24 hours if Trahearne had left him back in the Grove. An admirable trait, he decided, but not particularly useful right now.

But still, he should have expected something to happen. Even there, at Fort Trinity, the Commander had ways of sneaking out and not following directions. Trahearne probably should have checked on him before lunchtime, but he had been busy answering letters about supply movements and building instructions. Being Marshall meant a lot of paperwork, and it was hard to tear himself away from that. Playing 'leader' and 'nursemaid' at the same time was going to be a hassle, he could tell.

Trahearne, tray in hand, walked through the fort. His eyes scanned the walls and high spots as he moved, figuring that the Commander would probably hide out in one of those areas. So far his search had been fruitless, and he was beginning to wonder if the Commander had left the fort entirely. Thankfully one of the scouts took pity on him and pointed him in the direction of the storage area, which he swiftly walked towards. The food in his hands had long since gone cold, so he wasn't as concerned with preserving it. The Commander would just have to deal with the irritation of eating a cold lunch, since it was his choices that had led to this and all.

It wasn't until he turned a corner around some boxes that he finally caught sight of a familiar shade of green before it disappeared behind another stack further in. "Commander," Trahearne said, keeping an even voice despite his annoyance at having to trek through the whole fort for one man. And when he received no answer, he sighed and added, "I know you're here, there's no point in hiding."

Still no answer. Trahearne took a step in, blocking the entryway behind him. Truthfully the Commander probably could have found another way out, he was particularly skilled at climbing on top of things and reaching high vantage points. He probably would have made a great scout, if not for his Wyld Hunt and prowess in battle. But Trahearne couldn't appreciate that about him right now, he was displeased about having to play this game of cat and mouse. "If you don't answer me then I'm going to throw you back in your room and post guards outside your door."

"Alright, alright!" 

There was the voice Trahearne had been searching for. He looked in the direction he had heard it come from, and a moment later the Commander came into view. He was up on a stack of boxes, far above where Trahearne was standing (why did they even stack things that high? That was a hazard), peering down at him. The frown on the Commander's face matched the one Trahearne knew he had as well. Though it was getting harder and harder to keep that frown on his face, as he typically found it difficult to stay mad at the Commander for long. "Care to tell me why you're scaling mountains when you should be resting?" 

The Commander, in his usual fashion, gave an answer that betrayed way too much about his thought process. "It hurts your back, if you're laying down for too long. Sometimes you need to get up and stretch."

Trahearne wasn't buying it. "And the reason you're not stretching in your room is…?"

"Oh come on, it's not hurting anybody for me to be walking around the fort!" And there was the subtle rise in his tone. Yep, the Commander was far too predictable at times.

"Maybe if you were just walking, that would be the case. But I heard that you were doing much more than that. A little heavy lifting, perhaps?" Trahearne had eyes and ears all over this fort. Nothing happened without him knowing about it, even if there was a slight delay in him getting that information.

The Commander crossed his arms and pointedly stared Trahearne down as he said, "So? I'm not passing out, am I?"

"But you're not getting better either, and you won't if you don't take it easy." Trahearne looked away from the Commander long enough to set the tray down on a nearby box before returning his attention to the conversation, "You're of no use to anyone if you can't fight."

That got a grumble from the Commander- something along the lines of 'well that would be no good'- but the fact that he wasn't arguing the point anymore was a sign that Trahearne was going in the right direction. Time to push a little further, he decided. "Now then, come down here and maybe we can talk through this like adults?"

The Commander scowled down at Trahearne for a moment. Comparing the Commander to a child was always a risky move. It was a sensitive topic for him: he was short, even for a Sylvari, and he was definitely youthful enough to have that wide-eyed idealism that a lot of young humans had. It wasn't too difficult to mistake him for a teenager, if one didn't know that all Sylvari were born as an adult. But the Commander was definitely no child, and the comparisons to one always got on his nerves. Trahearne had thought that asking him to act like an adult would be a safer way to chide him, and after a moment of worry he was finally proven right when the Commander started to climb down from the boxes.

Or jump down, as he tended to do whenever he needed to get down from somewhere. It was a wonder that he hadn't broken every bone in his body yet, actually.

"You really should stop doing that," Trahearne commented as he watched the Commander recover from his landing.

"Maybe when I'm dead I will," was the Commander's only response.

Trahearne sighed, but gave up on that point. He wasn't there to argue over the Commander's habits. If he could get one point across, that would be enough. "Come," he said, indicating to the tray of food, "You must be hungry by now."

With the way the Commander eyes the food, he had probably skipped breakfast that morning. Another bad habit of the Commander's, if Trahearne was honest. But he kept silent, and instead watched as the Commander took the last few steps over to where Trahearne was. He hopped up on that one box and sat down, taking the tray into his lap. It only took one bite before the Commander was grimacing. "It's cold," he said.

"It was warm when I took it to your room," Trahearne said pointedly.

"And I suppose this is my punishment for being a 'bad sprout', then? Eating a cold lunch?"

"You could say that," Trahearne answered, probably a bit too playfully. It was far too easy to fall into familiar routines whenever the Commander was involved. He was supposed to be scolding him, not joking around with him.

The Commander made another face at Trahearne, who just stood there and crossed his arms. Nobody was going anywhere until the Commander got some food in him, and Trahearne was content to wait until that happened. Admittedly, this duty was far preferable to the mountain of paperwork waiting for him in his office. Even if the Commander had his annoying habits, he was still someone Trahearne enjoyed being around. He could deal with those personality flaws in the name of friendship.

But still, there was a conversation that needed to happen, and now was a good time to have it. If the Commander's mouth was full of food, then he couldn't interrupt. "I don't mind if you want to walk around the fort while you regain your energy. It's probably best that you do, so that your limbs don't get stiff. But overexerting yourself isn't going to help anyone, especially not your or I. How am I supposed to lead an army into the heart of Maguuma without my right-hand man there to help me?"

"Take one of my right-hand men instead? I have plenty," The Commander said, and the fact that it was in a joking tone was the only thing that saved him from another scolding from Trahearne. 

"They will be there too, but I need you specifically," Trahearne answered, "This is your Wyld Hunt, Commander. You need to be there when we fight Mordremoth."

The Commander shook his head. "No, my Wyld Hunt was to defeat Zhaitan. Which I did already, if you remember."

"I have my doubts about that. The dragon from your Dream, it looked nothing like Zhaitan, did it?"

The Commander frowned a little, but he did nod. So Trahearne continued, saying, "I remember your description of the dragon. It was similar to the dragon we saw at the World Summit, yes? And that dragon is a champion of Mordremoth. Mother doesn't usually assign two of her children the same Wyld Hunt, unless one has already died. But Caithe is still alive and well. That leads me to believe that the dragon you are meant to kill is another one."

"And here I thought my dragon-slaying days were over," the Commander said, forcing another bite of the cold food into his mouth shortly after.

It got a smile out of Trahearne though, and his tone was a bit lighter as he spoke again, "That was never true in the first place. You'll be staying with the Pact until we defeat all the dragons, won't you?"

"I will," the Commander answered, "But it would be a lot easier to do without the pressure of a Wyld Hunt. At least then it would be of my own volition, rather than because I was destined to do so."

"Does that make a difference if the end result is the same?"

"Of course it does!" The Commander's words were a bit snappish, but he cooled that down pretty quickly after that. "Choice is everything. Soldiers choose to take up arms for a cause they believe in. Scholars choose to devote their life to a field of study. People choose where to go and when their feet will take them there. The act of choosing is what gives us a purpose. If we're told what to do for our entire lives, then what is the point of even living?"

That was…unexpected, to say the least. The Commander had never voiced an opinion like that before. In fact, back at the beginning, he had been happy to have a Wyld Hunt. Scared of it, for sure, Trahearne remembered the bundle of nerves and worry that the Commander had been before he had started to grow and become the man he was today, but there was a sense of pride that all Sylvari with a Wyld Hunt carried. The Commander had been no different. When had he changed?

Trahearne didn't have much room to speak, though. His Wyld Hunt had been completed, and he was free of that pressure. Anything he did now was of his own choosing, and he had to admit that it was pretty liberating to think about. Nobody could shape his destiny except himself. Maybe the Commander had a point after all.

Still, Trahearne had to ask: "This is new from you. What made you think of all of this?"

"New experiences, new perceptions," the Commander said simply. It was a stock answer, and both of them knew it. So Trahearne wasn't going to accept that answer at all.

It made him think, though. What new experiences had the Commander been through? Setting up the World Summit had certainly been a new experience, but it wasn't too different from the kind of work he already did. Rally the troops, lead strike groups to objectives, talk his way out of problems, that sort of thing. So no, it couldn't have been that. Maybe something with that group of friends he ran around with? The whole campaign against Scarlet Briar must have taught him a thing or two about how enemies could come from anywhere. But it wasn't like he had never experienced that before, he had faced that same kind of trouble with the Nightmare Court many times before. What experience was truly new, something that the Commander would have never seen before?

"…is it Canach?"

"It is _not_ Canach," the Commander said a bit too quickly and a bit too forcefully.

"It is Canach, then," Trahearne said, nodding his head. What was the deal with that particular Sylvari again? He was the criminal, the one who had been bought by that human Countess, right? Trahearne's expression softened as he started to connect the dots in his mind. "It bothers you, doesn't it? How he can't make his own choices right now. And it's making you question a lot of things you never even gave a second thought to before."

The Commander set his fork down abruptly. Only half of the food was gone, but apparently he was done with eating. The look on the Commander's face, somewhere between 'sour' and 'concerned' told Trahearne that some pretty mixed feelings were rolling through him right then. Which he soon confirmed when he said, "A lot of things about him bother me. Do you know what he said? He said he doesn't need friends. Who could even think something like that? Even the prickliest of people I know have at least one or two! I think he's being stubborn, or self-destructive, or something else along those lines, but it all goes back to that billet of his. How hard must it be to trust someone, when you know that you could be separated from them permanently through no choice of your own?"

Ah. So that was it. Once again, the Commander cared way more than most would in the same situation. Trahearne felt a small swell of pride grow within him then. He had always known that the Commander was an upstanding person, and to have that opinion validated over and over again was comforting. If nothing else, then he could at least trust the Commander to do right by people. Men like him were few and far between.

A pang of regret flashed through him too. This right here, this was exactly why he had fallen in love with the Commander in the first place. But that ship had sailed long ago, and it would probably never return to harbor again. Maybe if they had tried harder back then, maybe…

But no. The past was better left in the past.

"If you are concerned, maybe you should talk to him about it," Trahearne said finally, "Talking through problems like this would be a good use of your time right now."

The Commander scoffed at that idea. "He's not one for talk, if you didn't notice. And besides that, aren't I supposed to be resting?"

"Talking is far closer to 'resting' than moving supplies around is," Trahearne pointed out.

The Commander simply grumbled at that, and Trahearne knew he had won. So he added, "It doesn't have to happen immediately. In fact, I would advise you to take your time and consider your words. But he is only going to be here for a few days, so I would keep that in mind. Unless you want to run across Tyria chasing him down."

"Seeing as how I already run across Tyria chasing people down, that doesn't sound like much of a change."

Trahearne laughed, and he patted the Commander on the shoulder in a comforting gesture. Everything would turn out alright, he was sure of it. The Commander had a good head on his shoulders, he would be fine forming a friendship with a criminal like Canach. And hey, maybe that kind of an abrasive relationship was just what the Commander needed to grow and get better at dealing with people from very different walks of life.

\----------------------------------------

The Commander spent the rest of that day in a cloud of thoughts, mulling over how to approach the topic of friendship with Canach. He had seemed less than welcoming when it had been brought up before, and the Commander got the feeling that Canach would just run off again if he came on too strongly. As much as the Commander wanted to befriend everyone, he needed to use discretion here. 

Once again, sleep largely escaped the Commander. He just wasn't that tired. Sure, he was drained of energy and needed to recover, but sleep just wouldn't come to him. He spent a second night tossing and turning, only to wake up in a foul mood the next day. Even a warm breakfast and a friendly hello from Trahearne wasn't enough to bring him out of that sour mood.

But at least he wasn't bored anymore? That could count as an improvement, maybe.

The Commander wasn't really ready for the discussion yet when he saw Canach again. It was early afternoon, and the Commander had taken a perch up on one of the stairwells that led from the docks up to the main area of the fort. He had done some work earlier, mostly helping to direct supplies to the right locations, but now he was taking a break and enjoying the view. It had only been a couple years since the defeat of Zhaitan, but already the coast looked so much better. There were still improvements to be made, but the land was recovering, and new growth was spreading. It gave the Commander hope, that the damage done by the dragons could be undone.

The dragons…what Trahearne had said yesterday had bothered him in a way he had not expected. Was he really meant to kill Mordremoth? It would make sense, he hadn't really felt that sense of completion when Zhaitan had been defeated. That drive to do what was right, to finish his Wyld Hunt, it still drummed in his veins. Trahearne was right: the Commander still had a lot of work to do before his Wyld Hunt was over.

The Commander almost missed it when Canach crouched down, taking a seat on the wall next to him. "Oh! Hello Canach, you startled me."

"You should pay better attention to your surroundings then," Canach said sternly, "I wasn't hiding my movements."

The Commander wanted to protest that point, but he realized that Canach was right. Even if he was weakened and troubled by his own future, that was no excuse for letting his guard down. The fort was relatively safe, thankfully, but letting his mind wander would be a disaster outside of the fort's walls.

So instead, he decided to change the topic rather abruptly. If Canach could avoid answering questions that way, then so could he. "Canach, do you have a Wyld Hunt?"

Canach let out a snort at that. It almost sounded like a laugh, but it didn't seem like a happy one. "I wouldn't follow it even if I had one."

As odd as it sounded, that did seem like a Canach kind of answer. So when the Commander questioned it, he sounded more curious than surprised. "Why?"

"I only tolerate the work I have been given now because the alternative is going back to prison. What would the Pale Tree do if I ignored her demands? Threaten to make me wilt?" Canach was clearly trying to make light of it all, as if he didn't care about it at all. But something in his voice told the Commander that wasn't the whole story. Maybe if he pushed it slightly, if he could get just a bit more information…

"What DOES she do to Sylvari who ignore their Wyld Hunt," the Commander asked, "I have never heard of a Valiant not listening to their call. I suppose the Soundless don't listen, but I haven't heard of a Valiant being among their ranks."

"That's because most Sylvari are not like the Soundless," Canach said simply, "They are all too happy to do the Pale Tree's bidding. She is our mother, after all, why wouldn't they listen to her? You're the same way too you know. You cannot tell me that you would have taken up the title of Commander and have led an army against Zhaitan if you hadn't been predestined to do so."

Once again, the Commander found himself unable to argue with what Canach had said. He had been questioning that himself lately: at what point did his free will end and his Mother-imposed destiny begin? Was there even a difference between the two, as far as fighting dragons went? Would he be where he was now if he had not been given a Wyld Hunt? Would he have even left the Grove?

The Commander was quiet for a long time, long enough that the silence began to stretch into uncomfortableness. It was hard to put his thoughts into words, and even harder to do so in a way that didn't make him sound young and naïve. "I think I would have, eventually," he said finally, speaking carefully as he thought through his words, "Maybe not as quickly as I did, no. But staying in the Grove, living my days out there…that's not for me. This world has too much to offer, too much that is worth fighting for. It might have taken me longer to realize, but I would have gotten there at some point. Because even if Mother has told me to go fight the dragons, I would have eventually made that choice on my own."

Finally he looked up at Canach, and for a moment there he saw a strange look on Canach's face. It was somewhere between surprise and…admiration? No, that couldn't be right. Canach didn't admire anyone but himself. He definitely wouldn't have been struck by the Commander's words there. Plus the look was covered up with a neutral look that was close to a scowl as soon as Canach realized the Commander was looking at him. Yeah, that had to have been his imagination.

"Then you are more noble than most. Or more foolish, I am not sure which," Canach said finally, and possibly a bit harshly too, especially on that last bit. 

But still, the Commander found himself smiling sheepishly. "Perhaps. I have been called both before, to be honest."

Canach had found his conversational stride once more though, and if he had any mixed feelings they were well covered up. "Why are you asking me about this anyway? The firstborn had a Wyld Hunt, he would be a better one to talk to about it."

The Commander shook his head. "No, he would be no help. He and I, we think alike. Any answer he would have given would have been reasonably close to my thoughts on the matter. When you're questioning a belief you have held your entire life, hearing agreeing voices is not helpful at all. Especially not when you can't be unbiased about the source of that agreeing voice."

"Well I always knew you worshipped the ground that the Firstborn walked on, but I never knew it ran so deep as to cloud your judgement like that," Canach said in an offhand comment. That was when the Commander realized that Canach hadn't been told certain facts, and that if he knew those facts that might clear things up a bit.

"Oh, no," the Commander said quickly, not thinking of the impact of what he was about to say, "I mean, I get along with most of the Firstborn, but Trahearne and I were 'involved' for a time. That's what I meant when I said I couldn't be unbiased about his opinions." It was the truth, and he and Trahearne had never attempted to hide their relationship. Canach must not have known about it because he would have been in Southsun at the time.

But somehow that confession got a very strange reaction from Canach. He looked sickened, like someone might look if they learned that two of their very good friends had been seeing each other behind everyone's backs. Which didn't make sense at all, because Canach was maybe-barely friends with the Commander, and he definitely wasn't friends with Trahearne. He had no reason to be so scandalized by this news.

Still, Canach sounded a touch dumbfounded as he said, "You two were involved? As in, 'involved' involved?"

Now the conversation was getting a little uncomfortable. The Commander didn't mind talking about past relationships, but he did mind going into details. Especially when those details involved actions that were best left to private spaces. "Yes? But why does it matter? Beyond the 'unbiased' thing, I mean." Because a reaction that large (relatively large, Canach was not one to change from 'frowning or smug' very much) then it had to matter somehow.

The Commander wouldn't get his answer that day, though. As quickly as that whole thing had happened, Canach covered up whatever he was feeling with a disinterested frown. Though the Commander did learn another interesting fact about Canach right then: that kind of a look from him, where he looked like he honestly didn't care about whatever was being discussed, that had to be an act. Well, sometimes, at least. The Commander would have to watch him more carefully from now on, whenever he acted like that.

At some point during that- the Commander wasn't quite sure when, this conversation was quickly becoming a blur of bad decisions- Canach had stood up. "It doesn't matter," Canach said bluntly, though now the Commander was paying close attention to his words, to see what he was actually trying to say, "It is just surprising, that is all. The Firstborn can have anyone they want, I see no reason for him to take up 'relations' with someone so young and inexperienced with the world. He would gain nothing from it."

That…stung a little, actually. The Commander tried to keep that hurt to himself, but he was sure that his suddenly-serious frown, the one he used when he was in the middle of a battle and needed to be strong, was all-too telling about how he actually felt. He stood up as well, trying to match Canach's imposing stance, even if he couldn't quite match his height. "You are sorely mistaken if you think relationships are built on what one person can gain from another."

"And you are sorely mistaken if you think anyone, especially a Firstborn, would enter into a relationship out of the goodness of their heart," Canach retorted, crossing his arms defensively in front of himself, "No relationship- be it friendship, a working partnership, or something more romantically-inclined- happens 'just because'. There is always an underlying reason for it. If you were played by the Firstborn, then take it as a lesson to not make the same mistake in the future."

"I was not 'played' by anyone," The Commander said, his voice starting to rise a little, "I pursued him, not the other way around!"

"So then you were the one who hoped to gain something from him?"

"Don't speak of things you have no understanding of!" The Commander swung his right hand outward and downwards, in a sharp, quick motion. It was an automatic response, but he hadn't meant for it to be threatening at all. Which was why even he was surprised a little when dark grey wisps of smoke started to dance around his hand, which had started to go fuzzy around the edges.

Canach and the Commander backed away from each other abruptly, both caught off-guard by the sudden change in the Commander's hand. Canach was on even ground, but the Commander started to stumble on the stairs, catching himself on the railing at the last moment before he toppled over entirely. His breathing was labored, though he wasn't sure if it was from the change in his hand or from the shock of what had just happened. Looking down for a moment, he saw that his hand was back to normal, so he took a few deep breaths, trying to calm himself.

This wasn't good. He had never lost control of his powers like that before, not even in situations that were far more emotional than that. What was happening to him?

"I. I need to go." And before Canach could say anything, the Commander turned and left, putting as much distance as he could between the two of them as fast as he could without drawing attention to himself. He needed to be alone, to think about what had happened, and why he had almost lost control like that.

\----------------------------------------

Damn.

Damn damn damn damn _damn_!

Canach was absolutely furious with himself. He wanted this, didn't he? He actually liked being around the Commander. He liked talking with him. That strength he had, that gentle nature of his that he only showed in moments of peace, that ability of his to lead and win people over with little effort at all, how willing he was to throw caution to the wind and offer friendship to even someone who had messed up as much as he had… it was positively exhilarating. 

He had his orders, and he knew he had to leave soon, so he wanted to make the most of the time he had now. The thought of friendship with this strange Sylvari was not as repulsive as it had been before. 

So why did he keep sabotaging himself like this?

\----------------------------------------

The rest of that day was spent in his room, testing his magic and newfound abilities. His life force hadn't fully recovered yet, so he wasn't able to do much magic, but he could still test it out in short spurts. His boon-creating magic spells still worked fine, or at least he could still feel the effects of them. As for the ones that harmed others, he would have to test those outside of the fort later. He didn't try to summon any minions, that would have been too much at the moment, and he didn't like doing it anyway. 

That left the Shroud. Could he focus and make only part of himself enter it? He had to try, if only to confirm if he had control over it or not.

He held out his right hand, palm-up, and focused. He squinted down at his hand, trying to imagine it as a mess of smoky wisps and shadow. It took a moment, but he started to feel that itch in his hand, the one that he had felt back at the World Summit. But before any smoke or shadows could materialize, that itch traveled quickly up his right arm, reaching his shoulder before the Commander broke focus and gave up. 

Yeah, he really shouldn't have been trying to do that when he was in a weakened state. This magic was new, and if he couldn't fully control it, then trying to use it was dangerous. He would have to keep it as a last-ditch-effort kind of thing, at least until he had both the time and the space to practice using it.

Satisfied with his experimentation for the day, the Commander stood up and looked to his window. Night had fallen over the fort, and the only light that came in through the window was the gentle glow of the lights that had been set up along the paths to prevent people from tripping in the darkness. It was probably still early enough that people were still awake, and for a moment the Commander considered stepping out to go see what was going on. He hadn't spoken to Trahearne that day, so maybe he would be up for an evening chat.

Just thinking about Trahearne made him remember the conversation with Canach, and that particular memory made him frown. Canach was wrong, he was sure of it: Trahearne hadn't been with him to get something from him, and he certainly hadn't wanted anything more from Trahearne than his companionship. No, their relationship had been a normal, healthy one, and it had ended normally enough that the two of them had been able to remain friends afterwards. There were no ulterior motives in it.

But the more he thought about it, the more he wondered if he was being truthful with himself. They had only dated for about six months, and their breakup had come on the heels of a rather nasty fight. Sure, it had been an amicable decision, but the fight itself was the problem. And the month before that fight, when things had all gone wrong. 

For a moment the Commander thought about finding Trahearne to talk about that, but he quickly squashed that idea. No, they had made peace with all of that over a year ago. There was no point in dragging up old hurts just to make the Commander feel better about his life choices. Trahearne deserved better than that.

Maybe Canach instead? If he even wanted to talk, after what had happened earlier. He was sure Canach had already figured it out, that he was absolutely right in his assumptions that the Commander had gained something from being with Trahearne. Would confirming that make Canach trust him a bit more, because of his honesty? Or would it push him further away, since his assumption of 'nobody starts a relationship without looking to gain something' was right in this case and could easily call all of the Commander's friendships into question?

The Commander made an irritated noise as he rubbed at his face. Why were friendships this difficult?

Ultimately he decided to put it off until the next day. Maybe sleeping some would make it easier for both of them to talk.

\----------------------------------------

"You were absolutely right, you know."

Canach glanced over at the Commander. That admission had certainly taken a lot less time than he had been expecting. Considering that his expectations had been 'the Commander actually is the one person in Tyria who would be so naïve as to not try to gain something from a relationship', he hadn't thought that admission would come at any time. In a way, it made him feel disappointed. If the Commander actually was as selfish as everyone else, then that would ruin the mental image Canach had started to build up for himself.

He covered that disappointment up with his usual smugness. The Commander would expect him to lord this over him, so filling that role would raise the least amount of suspicion. "Of course I was. But care to enlighten me as to what I was right about?"

The Commander gave him a look, but Canach stayed firm and the Commander eventually continued. "I did gain something from being with Trahearne. It may not have been my intention from the start, but it did happen."

"Oh? A sudden realization on your part?" He needed to not be so smug, he was going to push the Commander away again, but he couldn't help it. It was second-nature to him by now.

"You could say that. Being holed up in this fort gives me plenty of time to think." He paused, looking out towards the ships below. The workers were still moving crates and getting supplies set, but by now the airships were starting to leave for the Silverwastes. Over the next few days roughly 90% of them would be gone (some would remain, backups in case anything went wrong and Pact forces were needed elsewhere), and this fort would be woefully empty. Canach himself would be gone by then, as would Trahearne and, health-willing, the Commander as well.

After that pause, the Commander spoke again, sounding more serious than he had just moments ago. "Trahearne is a great man. He is kind, smart, and a great leader. He's…well, I won't bore you with all of his positive traits, but he truly is amazing. When we first met, I was afraid of both my powers and my Wyld Hunt. It's hard, having control over death. Especially when Zhaitan is fresh on everyone's minds. Nobody ever spoke ill of me, but I could tell they were wary. Even if Sylvari can't become dragon minions, the suspicion was still there. And I certainly didn't like having that constant reminder of what we were fighting against. I think I went a whole month without using my magic at all, instead swinging a dagger around like it would protect me from everything."

"But Trahearne, he taught me not to be afraid. He accepted necromancy as a part of who he is, and he was never apologetic for it. I admired him, I wanted to be like him. And as things progressed and we worked together more and more, I found myself wanting to be _with_ him."

"It…did not go well, in the end. He had too many obligations to the Pact, and we rarely had time for each other. I got jealous, and I…said some hurtful things. That's why we're not together anymore: I was selfish and wanted him for myself alone when the whole world needed him. We both decided that it was better to end things there, rather than let it get worse. The Pact needed us to be on speaking terms, which would not have been possible if we had let things continue."

The Commander looked away from the airships and back to Canach, who had been watching him the whole time. That look he gave, it was a regretful one. Maybe apologetic, even. And, strangely enough, Canach got the feeling that the apology was meant for him, not Trahearne. Which made no sense at all, The Commander had not done anything to him that warranted an apology. But he remained silent and let the Commander finish his piece. "So, you were right. I did want something from him. I like to think that it wasn't malicious, that every couple simply wants to be together with each other, but to deny the fact that it was selfish of me would be disrespectful."

"But what happened between me and Trahearne has no bearing on any possible friendship between you and I. I know it may be hard to believe, especially after what I just confessed to, but I truly just want to be your friend. I may be selfish when it comes to lovers, but I am not like that with friends."

Canach could have sworn that his heart had jumped into his throat. This was all too ridiculous. As far as he was concerned, this was a non-issue. Of course someone would be selfish when it came to a lover! If you were in love, that person should have been putting you above everyone else. To be second-place to work obligations would definitely cause jealousy. Canach himself had never felt such emotions- physical relations were something he indulged in, but love and dating were things he wanted nothing to do with- but he had seen them tear couples apart before. The Commander was an absolute idiot if he thought that would make him a horrible person.

But he couldn't just come out and say that. Any reassuring words were dead before they even escaped his throat. Canach silently cursed himself for being so bad at this 'feelings' thing, and instead he scoffed at the Commander as he crossed his arms and looked away. "If you're looking for someone to pat you on the back and tell you that everything is alright, then you are speaking to the wrong man. I don't care about what happened between you and the Marshall. That is for you two to deal with."

A silence fell between the two of them, and Canach stole a glance at the Commander out of the corner of his eye. Was he…smiling? Yes, that was definitely a smile. Giving up, he finally turned to face the Commander fully and said, "What are you grinning about, you confounding whelp."

"Thank you," The Commander said. He did not explain it any further, but he didn't need to; Canach understood the meaning of his words. He was thanking Canach for not judging him, for not lording this over him, for not assuming the worst of him. As if Canach ever could do any of that, the Commander was too good of a person to deserve judgement like that. Even if he wasn't perfect, he at least tried to be good, which was more than most people did.

Canach just wished that his heart would stop beating so fast. This was just a talk, not some battle. It really had no business acting like this.

"Don't think this makes us friends," he said suddenly. Horror struck him as he realized what he was saying, and he tried to force himself to stop, but the words rolled off of his tongue as easily as water off of a leaf. "I don't have friends, remember? And a criminal such as myself certainly has no business calling the Commander of the Pact a 'friend'. Imagine the rumors."

Why did he keep doing this? He wanted to be friends, he wanted to give it a chance. Was he so used to being alone that he just couldn't accept it, even if he wanted it? It was a wonder that the Commander hadn't given up on him entirely by that point.

But surprisingly, the Commander just chuckled in response. "Of course," he said as he patted Canach on the upper-arm, making it clear just humoring Canach and did not believe his words at all, "We can't have people talking about you going soft now, can we?"

The touch only lasted for a moment, but his arm felt tingly and warm where it had been touched. He fought to keep a frown on his face, but he couldn't stop himself from actually glancing down at his arm where he had been touched. That was weird, he had been touched like that thousands of times before, but he had never had that kind of a reaction.

Canach was pulled out of his thoughts as the Commander said, "Right, right, no touching, I got it."

That wasn't what he had been thinking at all, but he could see why the Commander had interpreted it as such. Canach was always frowning, and most people took frowns as a sign of disapproval. And Canach sure as hell wasn't going to correct the Commander on that point when he didn't even understand what had just happened.

So instead he said, "Maybe you should focus less on what happens in a 'normal friendship' and more on your own problems. If I were to have a friend- and that is a big if, by the way- I would expect them to have my back in a fight. Which you cannot do, if you are injured."

"And once again, you are absolutely right," the Commander said, smiling warmly at him.

Pale Mother help him, this friendship was going to be the end of him.

\----------------------------------------

Trahearne was beginning to get worried. He had been staying away from the Commander to give him some space to sort out his feelings, since he was sure his presence would cloud the Commander's judgement. But even so, Trahearne still liked to keep an eye out for his friend, and when two days passed without seeing him the worry began to build up. 

He wasn't so much worried for the Commander's safety as far as Canach was concerned, there were too many soldiers at the fort and Canach wouldn't dare try anything. He actually was more concerned with the thought that the Commander had managed to slip away from the fort entirely. He was the type who always had to be on the move, and Trahearne would absolutely believe it if one of his scouts reported the Commander missing. So after two days, Trahearne finally decided to call for his scouts and send them off on a Commander-hunting mission. He strode quickly across the fort, heading towards the barracks where he knew he could find his scouts at this hour. 

Trahearne never made it that far, though. On his way there, he heard a familiar voice, and he ducked behind a nearby wall to stay out of sight. He used only his ears for a few moments, blatantly eavesdropping in on the conversation.

"Commander, I have work to do." That was Canach's voice, Trahearne was sure of it.

"It's only for an hour or two, nobody is going to notice." And there was the Commander.

"I still don't see why you need my presence. Can't you go hunting dragon minions on your own?"

"I could, yes, but that's not the point."

"And what is the point, exactly?"

Their voices were getting harder to hear, so Trahearne figured they were moving away from his hiding place. He peeked out first, making sure they were not watching his spot. Indeed, they were walking side-by-side, their backs facing him. So he started to walk in that same direction, keeping a good distance between himself and the two Sylvari, but staying close enough to hear what they were saying.

"The point, Canach, is to show you that I am capable in battle."

"I already know that you are capable in battle."

"Yes, but you made a big deal about me being weakened and how you needed any friend to be strong enough to watch your back. So, I'm going to show you that."

"IF I were to have a friend. You're forgetting the 'if' again."

"Yes, of course. 'If'. But the point still stands. I feel fine now, so I'm going to prove it."

Canach let out a disgruntled noise. "Fine. If this little trek into the forest is enough to get you to shut up about it, then let's get it over with."

At that point the pair reached the main gate to the fort, stopping only momentarily for the door to open before continuing on their way. Trahearne stopped following them at that point, instead standing and watching them as they continued to walk. He watched them until the gates closed once again, blocking them from his view.

One of the guards at the gate noticed Trahearne, and they said, "Marshall? Is everything alright?"

Trahearne felt a warm, comforting feeling spread through his body. The Commander was getting his strength back, but more importantly he was forming his own friendships and bonds. It was the last worry that Trahearne had held onto since they had broken up: that the Commander wouldn't be able to open up to others again. This wasn't complete proof that it had happened, but it was a promising start. If the Commander could keep his friendships with his little group of detectives and misfits- Canach now included in those numbers- then maybe he would be alright. Maybe he would be able to take care of things himself, with those friends supporting him, instead of looking to Trahearne for reassurance when things were difficult.

As much as it pained him to know that he was no longer that special person in the Commander's life, he knew this was for the best. And so, he wouldn't intervene in it.

"Yes," Trahearne said, the corner of his mouth turning up into a half-smile, "Yes, everything is fine."


End file.
